Saturday, August 18, 2007

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)Cate Cochers discusses the marriage and subsequent divorce of her husband Joe in her article “A house divided”. She outlines the factors of that divorce and the reasons for the “unorthodox marriage arrangement” that followed that divorce. She describes how this arrangement led to the co-parenting arrangement of her and her ex husband’s cohabitation of separate apartments in the same domicile.
There are several factors that led to Joe and Cates Cochran’s divorce. To begin with the couple were incompatible with each other. Joe listened to rock and Cate liked classical. Their taste in everything was different. They “ had nothing in common” Joe liked “prime colours” for wall paper, while Cate “wanted a heritage pattern” Moreover Joe was slow in doing things as Cate was fast.
A major reason for the divorce is illustrated by the comic strips Joe would give Cate during their marriage. In most comics, except the very last one he gave her years after their devoice on her 50th birthday, she is always depicted in one of the frames as having a large mouth spewing out daggers or something dangerous at Joe. “ She used her mouth as a weapon”. Cate had already had one failed marriage in which her husband cheated on her and her devoice from Joe signaled a second failure. It was Cate who was not satisfied with the wedding. She asked that they go to family therapy. Joe seemed shocked at the request illustrating that he was more satisfied with their marriage arrangement that Cate was; She wanted the change and instigated the devoice, while she points out that Joe found it stressful and not desirable. In fact, at most times she seemed very belligerent and vehement in not compromises to save her marriage. For instance, she took offence at an innocent suggestion made by Joe concerning how one peels a cucumber. It seems Joe was more willing to compromise than Cate and more willing to compromise to save their marriage. In fact, Joe learned from the therapist how to calmly keep control of the situation when Cate had a temper tantrum. He did not add to Cates anger by doing things to exasperate the situation. This shows Joes willingness to take the advice of the therapist to attempt to save her marriage. In fact, Cate got mad at Joe’s ability to learn from the therapist and attempt to save the marriage using these methods of calm control and walked away cursing him and the therapist. This shows that Cate was the instigator of several problems and her temper did not led well to learning to save the marriage or to compromise itself; It was Cate’s stubborn inability to be agreeable that led to the devoice. Moreover, the therapist made remarks concerning her lack of control concerning her temper and behavior and ways that she reacted and treated Joe. Thus, Cate was the main factor to the divorce and in her own words had to learn to control her temper and life if that marriage was to succeed. Joe seemed much more easy going and, unlike Cate, was able to compromise more, thus being more conducive to the marriage type.
One thing that might have helped quell many of the quarrels that led to Cate’s dislike of the marriage was finding a compromise between their differing tastes; for example in their argument concerning wall paper they could have compromised and found a heritage pattern that contained prime colours, thus making them both happy. There are many such compromises that could have alleviated any problems that arose during their wedding due to differences of taste that made them seem incompatible to Cate. Another suggestion might be using one kind of wallpaper in one room and another in another room and a common print both liked in the middle room between each of the other rooms.
Cate enjoyed entertaining the idea that she and Joe would co parent their daughter Maddie and their son Jake in separate living arrangement, in close vicinity, after their divorce. Cate came to this idea when her new lover and others she knew orated ideas concerning non-conventional and sometime unorthodox living conditions of divorced people who co-habituated or lived in separate homes near each other to allow for co-parenting of their children. For instance, Joe and Cate might get separate houses next to each other and allow the kids to live in either, exchanging the children every so often. Jake might sleep at dad’s place one night, while Maddie at her mother’s place, and then they would switch the sleeping arrangement.
In the end, the divorced family moved to a new dwelling in which Cate lived in the first floor apartment and Joe in the second floor apartment. Jake often slept in mom’s place and Maddie in dad’s place. Both children had access to each parents place. The mutt, Cola, could choose to sleep in either place. At first, Maddie was worried about her mom’s new lover thinking her dad would be lonely. However, after Joe brought a new lover home Maddie’s fear disappeared. Jake kept his emotions close to his heart. He once tried to play mom and dad off of each other to extend his curfew and bedtime to later. Both parents spoke to him on the neutral ground of the stairs in between both apartments and settled the issue. Joe and Cate tried their best to celebrate holidays together along with their ex partners new partner as a means to maintain the family feeling and rearing of the children. This extended family still contained the elements of the original family the children were born in. Joe and Cate even befriended their ex’s new partners as a means to facilitate this extended family and good relations between them. The children grew up happier because of these living arrangements. They did not suffer the deleterious effects that often occur when a divorced couple live at a distance and the children are shuttled to and from each divorced parent’s new abodes. In fact, the co-parenting arrangement outlined in the article caused Joe and Cate to have to continue to co-operate and stay on friendly terms and thus there was no pitting the children against each parent, no use of them as “cannon fodder” in their battles with each other. They did not use the children to vent dislike of each other or poured their derision of each other upon those children. The children were not taught to hate the other parent, as is often the case in some divorces. In fact, Joe says to Maddie one day near a window outside of Cate’s place that he could not see life without mom being a part of it. Cate took this comment made by Joe to Maddie as a compliment. This compliment is not outside the range of the compromising character of Joe outlined above and thus once again illustrated Joes nature and ability to keep peace within a relationships; The same character that would have allowed Joe to save his marriage if not for Cates belligerent nature and untamed temper.
In conclusion, the final comic strip given to Cate on her 50th birthday does not depict Cate with a big mouth spewing out dangerous implements and using her mouth as a weapon, suggesting the new post devoice arrangement caused less verbal abuse from her towards Joe. Thus, the children grew up in the presence of both parents happier than children of a many other devoice in which divorced parents living at a distance pour their derision of each other upon the children and do not co-operate in a manner to benefit each child with their continuous presence.


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